It’s very easy to judge other peoples life. How often do we wish we can have what someone else has? The hand we’re dealt can very easily be won if given to that someone else…
At one point earlier this year, I decided that I was going to stop wishing what could be and deal with what is. I had finally watched Eat, Pray, Love, a memoir turned movie in which the main character decides to take a “self discovery” journey (main character played by Pretty Woman herself, Julia Roberts) and said.. I’M LEAVING!!!
My first thought was to get the stamping *said in my Martin voice* and get some use out of my passport. But after watching the news, or one too many Lifetime movies, seeing people getting their heads chopped off, being sold as sex slaves, and/or simply just going missing.. I decided to stay a little more local.
So I got online, booked a trip, and a week I was gone… Why? I needed to get away and actually deal. I know that sounds backwards almost as if I was running away from the problems. But sometimes its hard to deal with certain things when you have too many people or memories in the current place you’re in.
On this trip I was forced to deal with ME… I went through every emotion possible.. I laughed until my stomach hurt, I ugly cried, I happy cried, I was scared, I faced my fear… I literally jumped right into the middle of the ocean and wanted to be free. My inner fat girl shinned like crazy while I ate at every fine cuisine in town… Even ate at the local hood spots, grease buckets and all. I danced on tables and bars with strangers.. And under the stars, ALONE.
I knew that when I returned home, the people and place would be exactly the way I left it. No one even notice that I was gone, no one would understand why I chose to go alone. But it was ok, I could return home and face the one person I was hiding from all these years.. the one person that had been the hardest on me all my life… the person who had not been loving me, not caring for me, not appreciating me. And her name is ME….